Hunger, Thirst and Need
by of self
Summary: This 'love' was driving him mad, tearing him apart and the guilt was eating him up inside. Because his love wasn't the acceptable one. It was forbidden. Justin/Alex.
1. Hunger, Thirst and Need

Here is my first attempt at WoWP fic. I hope whoever reads it enjoys it.

Disclaimer: I do not own WoWP and the quotes do not belong to me either.

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He hungered for her touch. A mere brush against her was all he needed to keep him going for a few days and then he would come back for more, otherwise he would starve. He needed to get at least a whiff of the scent she wore, a heady mix of lavender, bergamot and geranium. It was as if that particular scent had been made exclusively for her. No one wore it better than her. It was exotic, intoxicating and most of all so aloof and unattainable just like she was.

He hungered for more than her touch. He wanted to spend time with her, precious fleeting moments which he would forever remember. He hung around just to hear her speak, her voice a lilting melody rippling across the air,soothing balm to his ears. There was so much more he wanted, which he knew he could never get. So he waited desperately for these moments, they reminded him of what he could live for. They also reminded him that what he was living for so wrong, _ever so wrong_. He tried to stay away but this wretched hunger gnawed at him. So he came back for those brief snatches to assuage it.

His thirst for her was unquenchable. He could never drink in enough of her beauty. Every time he tried to it overwhelmed him. His gaze followed her wherever she went. His eyes instinctively searched for her. He felt like a voyeur watching her every move. He was sickened and disgusted by his thirst. But he was helpless; it was like a bottomless well that could never be filled, always greedily asking for more.

He tried to avoid looking at her. That had been a disaster, the more he had tried, and the more he wanted too. Until the desire had become too strong for him and he had helplessly given into it. He hated what he had become. She caused him misery and joy, she teased and tormented him, he oscillated between these emotions unable to control them. And she did not even know that she was doing it to him. The unfairness of it stung him; he vacillated between moods like a crazed pendulum. And she went about without a care in the world. Did she not see him suffering even a tiny little bit? Was he really so invisible or did she just not care about him at all?

His mind reasoned, how could she know, moreover how would she respond? She wasn't going to welcome him with open arms. And as much as he did not want to accept he did. The realization hit him like a blow to his gut. It felt bilious but it had to be stomached.

He threw himself into his work. Academics however can only keep you occupied for so long. So he read up on everything else he could lay his hands on. And she wondered why he knew about things nobody else did. It was not because of genuine interest, it was because it was one of the only ways out. The only way to lose himself and hold onto his sanity. The only way to survive.

He had to get out, go away to some god forsaken place. He could see no other option. This 'love'- could it even be called that he wondered, was driving him mad, tearing him apart and eating him up inside. Because his love, it wasn't the acceptable one. It was forbidden. He had done the unthinkable; he had fallen in love with his sister.

But this need, this all consuming need to see her to, to be able to hear her voice, to be able to her smell scent, to be able to spend those brief moments with her, it wouldn't let him go anywhere. It was like a beast that needed to be fed, so it would not go out of control.

He was trapped, trapped by his hunger, his thirst and his need. And it was killing him, like poison, corrupting each part of him, slowly but surely.

_Quod me nutrit me destruit - _What nourishes me also destroys me.

Realization dawned on him again. He would never be free of it. He could try all he wanted; he could drown himself in his guilt, it wasn't in his hands, it was far beyond him. After all we did not choose who fell in love with. Love chose us. It was unfortunate that, the person he fell in love was unreachable and most important of all untouchable.

He would have to go on living, unable to go away, unable to go near. Doomed to yearn for what could never be his because there were some lines that could never be crossed, especially familial ones.

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Hope you liked it! :)


	2. Stunning Clarity

_I know I said I wouldn't do a follow up and I know this wasn't the follow up a few people were expecting but closure came calling, so here goes. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own WoWP._

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He did it. He crossed that line, that invisible line. He wasn't supposed to but he did. The carefully repressed beast had come roaring to life. There was no going back now. Everything had changed; all the little dynamics that had defined them had changed, irrevocably. Everything had happened so fast. Like lightning almost. One moment they were fighting and the next he had just caught her tight in his arms and kissed her.

It was almost as if the earth had stood still. In those two seconds his heartbeat had sped up, his mind had shut down. All that mattered was the feel of her soft lips against his, the feel of her silky hair tangled in his fingers. Her slender body pressed against his. Until she wrenched away from him, as if burnt, shock prominent in her lovely eyes.

_Her eyes._

Have you ever felt like your soul was being ripped apart by two brown shards? He did. He felt like his soul was being ripped apart.

Her eyes were filled with glistening tears, and behind the glassy sheen of tears, peeked hurt, anger and even confusion. She ran and he stood there, stunned and disgusted with himself. He had broken his own self-control. He had let the beast dictate. Those carefully constructed walls of defense had crumbled like a pack of cards.

He stood there in the room, the world spinning. He slowly walked up to his room pausing a moment before hers. He looked at the door beseechingly willing it open. Wanting to tell her, it was not him, it was that filthy beast inside of him. Wanting to explain, wanting her to forgive. But the door did not open. He moved on, his feet taking steps, as if in a daze.

He slowly lay down on his bed, staring contemplatively at the starry ceiling. Reality seemed distorted and he no longer felt like he was a part of this world. This detachment was a new feeling, and he felt unbound, free. He felt like he was floating and there was nothing holding him back. Such a wonderful feeling. Silence reigned in the night and he could hear the thrum of vehicles passing by, insects wings whirring and an occasional howl from a dog, bemoaning its fate maybe? He knew he was bemoaning his.

This state of catatonia lasted for a long time. Until he suddenly got up in the middle of the night, a beatific smile on his face, a face that had remained expressionless ever since the incident. Clarity can be stunning in its simplicity. He transported himself to the highest building in the sky line.

The night was cold and the stars shone down, twinkling, almost beckoning. He knew he was coming. He climbed on the edge and stared down below. The sea of humanity which filled the streets during the day was non-existent. He smiled a short bitter smile, everything had worked out, now the beast would fall asleep and his defenses would fall and let her into his open arms.

He did not where he was going, heaven or hell. But it did not matter because wherever he was going, those lines would no longer exist. And she would his forever to hold and to have. Nothing could stop them because he had let go of this mortality which bound him to moral codes and the earth.

He turned backwards and stepped off the edge, falling, weightless. The air around him billowed as gravity called him to her. He closed his eyes smiling; he could finally be with her, unfettered by all ties. He hit the ground and then the silence of the night was marred by a piercing scream.

:

Tears streamed down his family's faces mingling with small rain drops as the coffin was lowered into the earth. The rain pattered softly, onto the grass and the black clad people, creating iridescent droplets on velveteen fabrics. No one knew why he was gone, no one could imagine why. But she knew and she could imagine why. She had placed a small kiss on his cool cheek and for a moment it felt like they were back in that same moment. Why Justin?

She withdrew into a shell. Everybody knew why or at least they thought they knew. But they didn't; only she knew why. The tears had stopped a time ago but her heart bled, bitter tears of sorrow. A few days later one more body was lowered into the ground and tears streamed down faces worn with sorrow from a previous loss. The skies once again opened created little droplets on a glass encasing beneath which lay figure, with a small hint of a smile on a pristine pale face.

No one knew why and no one would ever know why, but she did, she died of a broken heart.

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_For me, this was/is the only way it can end._


End file.
